bonercity | 《 texts from edo. 》

[ w h y ]

[ "I zee." ]

[ z ]

[ WHAT KIND OF A DEVILISH PLOY IS THIS?? Is he already starting Plan Z32? Is this his way of saying that he's keeping an eye on him?! ]

Thank you. I'm sure your plan was very elaborate in a different way.

It is very elaborate. But I cannot tell youz.
That would spoil the surprize.
_{[ what kind of surprise?? what idea is this guy planning? surely it was something really terrifying, right? ]}

A hint: It does involve ropez.
And a timer.

_{[ was he holding your fellow Jouishishi people hostage, bound by ropes? do you have a short amount of time to get to them before he kills them all? ]}

[ ABSOLUTELY TERRIFYING. ]

A SURPRISE? FOR ME? I SEE. I'M VERY EXCITED AND A TAD NERVOUS.

[ "a tad" zura pls u just switched to all caps. ]

[ ...he almost drops the phone at the part that comes next. ROPES??? TIMER? No way. No way, timer always means bombs. Which means this guy had decided to try to beat him with his own weapon! Clever. Cheeky, even. How confident! But... perhaps he knows something that puts him at an advantage?! ]

[ WHAT IS HE SUPPOSED TO DO. ]

How much time do I have?

_{[ Woah. He is typing in all caps! It's kind of alarming. But maybe Katsura is just excited! That's right, he's excited about this surprise, that is what he just said. How delightful. ]}

You have 10 minutez.
I wouldn't lose if I were you.

You will regret it.
Are you ready?

[ MORE LIKE FEARING FOR HIS LIFE AND THOSE OF MANY OTHERS ]

Wait, wait! You did not explain the quest yet!

[ Where does he go? WHAT DOES HE DO? ]

Do you really want to know instructions?
By the time I finish the instructions, it will be too late.

Your only clue: Meet me in the alley behind the okama club.
You have 10 minutez or elz.

You loze.

[ INTERNAL (and external, lbr) SCREECHING ]

[ He'll be there in about five minutes, somehow having managed to shave his legs and put on makeup in record time (because you don't go near the okama club without becoming Zurako). Although he's probably hyperventilating so much the foundation's gonna get washed right off his face at this rate. ]

Saitou-kuuuuuun~? Are you theeeeere~?

_{[ He doesn't seem to be in sight, but then suddenly, he seems to leap from a building and land right in front of Zura (Zurako, now?) He had no idea you could be so fashionable! (And kinda cute? But never mind that.)

In his hand he had a rope and tightened his grip around it.
Was it a noose? It had to be a noose, right?
Steadily, he makes his way towards Katsura, wearing an unreadable expression. ]}

[ The expression might be unreadable now, but he sure noticed that little pause when he'd just seen him. ...her. Clearly playing up Zurako's feminine charm could help in this situation! ...maybe. He watches him approach warily. ]

Is -- is this roleplay, Saitou-kun? Or was it ropelay? I'm not sure that's quite appropriate...

_{[ He'd give you an answer if he actually had the guts to speak, but seeing as he doesn't, he merely keeps approaching Katsura with the end of the rope spinning on his hand.

When he is about a yard away from Katsura, he suddenly moves and—
—drags the toe of his shoe into the ground, creating a line.

What was this? A declaration for a duel? It was hard to tell, but then, he extends his hand and..

offers one side of the rope to Zura.
WHAT DID THIS MEAN. ]}

[ Oh please, everyone knows he's keeping silent because he doesn't want to GIVE AWAY HIS DIABOLIC PLOTS and with the double whammy of silence and a mask he's making it literally impossible for the enemy to read him at all! What genius! ]

[ Katsura stares down at the line, scratching his chin. ]

Eh? Are we playing the hangman with literal hanging? Is that a single-letter word, then?.. Hmmm. It's a tough guess, but I'm going to say... "塵".

[ AND PALING WHEN HE'S HANDED THE ROPE ]

Wait, wait, was that wrong? Give me a minute, I know, I know --

_{[ You know, if Katsura wasn't a criminal, he'd make a pretty good friend, Saitou gathers. His response almost makes him crack a smile from behind his mask, acting all scared (and for some reason dressed in drag, what a card.) Almost. He doesn't really know of anybody who can actually make him smile other than Sougo who was undeniably the closest to him out of the entire squad.

He obviously needs help understanding what to do, so Saitou begins to tie a knot around one of Katsura's wrists, then curves his fingers over it so he is holding it.
Then, be backs off, holding the other end, doing the same thing to his wrist. ]}

[ ALMOST SHITS HIMSELF TBH but seeing as the rope isn't going on his neck he does relax just a little bit. And furrows his brow in concentration. ]

Wait, you want to "tie the knot"? Ah, I see! [ He folds his arms and laughs dumbly. ] You must've not recognized me in this brilliant disguise, Saitou-kun. While I am, of course, flattered, my heart already belongs to the middle-aged ladies of Kabuki-cho.

_{[ Saitou has crossed over the line that he made in the dirt by the time Katsura starts laughing dumbly. It's.. a really dumb laugh and not very charming at all.
Katsura talks a lot. Saitou is standing there, red eyes glistening in a bit of awe at all the words that are pouring out of his mouth. How could somebody talk so much with so much confidence? Especially when everything he says is really stupid?

He knew he could never be like that.

Saitou's head cocks to the side at this misunderstanding. Tie the knot? Oh, no no no. That's really embarrassing. He wouldn't want to tie the knot with somebody who is a criminal! Just.. maybe befriend them? Well, not just any criminal, but something about Katsura really struck a chord with him in that short amount of time they were "working" together.

Did it really have to be this way? Katsura as a worthy opponent— why couldn't he be a worthy friend?
Was Saitou even worth being his friend?
What was he trying to do at this point?

In a pent of nervousness, anxiety, and uncertainty, all he can do it stand there and stare at Zura. ]}

[ IT JUST TAKES PRACTICE AND A LOT OF HEAD TRAUMA! REALLY! LET HIM HELP YOU, SAITOU-KUN! YOU TOO CAN BECOME A BULLSHIT-SPEWING DISASTER IN JUST THREE WEEKS!! ]

[ Oh no. Did he say something wrong? Katsura swallows, feeling those red eyes focused on him like that of a merciless predator. Was this it. Would he never see dear Elizabeth (and Gintoki) again?.. ]

[ No. No, Katsura Kotarou, hope of the Jouishishi, was not going to go down this easily. ]

[ He roars out some kind of strangled war cry, grabs the loose end of the rope, and starts running. Around Saitou. Really fast. If he doesn't react he'll be a rope burrito in a moment. ]

_{[ The strangled cry is alarming. Maybe if he didn't do that, Saitou would have been none the wiser, but he's a sharp person, even if the hair on his head was very soft.. and fluffy. Don't you wanna touch it, Katsura? Or do your hands belong to one perm and just one perm?

Saitou instantly falls into a battle stance when he sees Zura sprinting towards him. The rope is still tied around both of their wrists, but he curves his fingers around it. Saitou pulls a fast one on Zura and actually twirls into the rope, encouraging it to go around him, allowing at least one of his arms out of the rope-burrito. When the rope is completely around his body, it probably brings Zura closer too, and with one rough tug, he brings Zura close, keeping his fingers tightly wound around the rope as he holds it.

Did you catch him, or did he catch you?

Again, all he can do is stare wordlessly at his opponent— he's probably plotting your demise Zura, staring at him intently into his eyes. It was both romantic and terrifying.

...

Oh no. He's just making sure he didn't just shart himself just now. ]}

[ They always tell you that you shouldn't pet other cats, because you're betraying your cat. But with the world as vast and full of the fluffiest, cuddliest cats as it was, how could a mere man possibly resist the temptation?.. It's fine to touch other perms, as long as you use it to reinforce the love for your one and only perm, and return to it when the day is done. ]

[ The retaliation is unexpected. While his plan (mostly) works, Katsura finds himself getting tugged toward that piercing red glare like a drunk prom date, and for a moment, he's rather glad he'd gotten to pee before the whole texting hell started. Who knows what might have happened here otherwise. ]

Oh Ma~ri~o~! You truly are a wild beast under those overalls! Things have been moving so fast since Princess Beach walked out of your life. Let's talk it over a cup of tea, hmm?

_{[ Mario? Saitou ha a fondness for those kind of games. Not like he has ever really told anybody about it. Being called Mario is a huge compliment, so Zura will earn a slight blush from him. How sweet.

Zura is wanting to talk over tea, though. That could be a problem. Not the tea part, just the talking part.

He keeps Zura in his hold for a long time. Maybe there was come kind of communication error going on here. Maybe.. if they could somehow communicate, Zura would be a decent friend instead of an enemy. That's all he had hoped for.

Silently, he pulls back on his stance, and begins to unravel the ropes off of Zura. ]}

[ It could probably pass for an awkward hug, if there wasn't so much murder in the air, and Katsura waits for his fate, half-dead from the whole melting down thing. ]

[ He breathes a sigh of relief as the perm monster seems to finally give in to reason and agree to resolve the situation peacefully. He nods encouragingly when Saitou starts unwrapping the rope from him. ]

Good man! There's this cute little shop that brews the most excellent tea Japan has tasted. It will take your mind off of stress at once.

_{[ So they're going to "talk" about things over a cup of tea? Saitou has to think about this for awhile. If he talks things over with an enemy of all people, there are several problems with that.

1. Zura is an enemy.
2. There would be talking.

At the same time, if he keeps up this mindset, he might not ever make any kind of friends. It's lonely, the kind of life he lives and he has nobody to blame but himself.. but it's a .. problem.. the kind of anxiety he has.

Saitou neatly folds up the rope, but he keeps it looped around his wrist. Quickly, he ties the other end to Zura's wrist. They're handcuffed, only not. There's no explanation why he does this, but as he presses onward, he tugs Zura with him.

Where were they going again? ]}

[ He will absolutely not make any friends if he keeps this up. ]

[ Katsura watches the perm monster tie them together with a red string of fate, which is not red and not a string, and cautiously follows along with the tug, though his concern starts growing again as they move. ]

Excuse me, I do believe you are going the wrong way, Paa-san...

《 texts from edo. 》

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i kept waiting for inspiration to match your funny until i realized that's never gonna happen

i'm glad i'm not the only person who does this

asjdhjasd sad5s...

rip zura

r i p

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