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【CLOSED/NSFW】☆ two idiots, one ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

▶ CATCH-ALL SAKAZURA SINS WITH

or something ...

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[While it may not seem like it, Sakamoto is doing the very same thing, right at this moment.

This particular client is one he works with on and off, and while he likes to remain optimistic, it's entirely possible that every come-on from the strange man is merely a a ruse of some sort, a way of catching Sakamoto off guard and currying his favor.

The three members of the Kaientai follow their alien friend down several corridors, which resemble the rest of the building in design, but are peculiar in one specific regard: they seem almost entirely empty. Finally, they all stop in front of what looks to be something large and cylindrical in shape, covered by a dark blue curtain. With a flourish and a twirl of the hips, their salesman tugs off the cover to reveal...

T-to reveal...

A giant, glowing cock?]

Ohhhhh!

[Sakamoto really does look amazed, stepping back and nodding in awe. Only-]

So it's a rocketship!

Edited 2016-03-20 03:02 (UTC)

_{[ Katsura follows them all eagerly, though he is treading with caution being put in an unfamiliar setting— no doubt his first one that isn't Earth. Being skeptical of creatures from space, it makes sense he is being careful.

The curtain is pulled back, and through a blur of mosaics, one is smart enough to decipher what it is. It clicks instantly and Katsura pounds a fist into his other hand: ]}

Of course, of course! I have seen a rocket ship like this before..!

_{[ ... ? ? ? ]}

The use for such an item must be top secret, is it not..!?
Military, perhaps?

Edited 2016-03-20 03:49 (UTC)

Ahhhh, but if it's top secret-

[Sakamoto points to the thing. Both Mutsu and the Amanto salesman are flabbergasted.]

Then why does it glow in the dark? Surely, it can be seen from space.

[THAT'S NOT

THAT's NOT EVEN VAGUELY HOW THIS SHIT WORKS ARE YOU-]

Somebody's probably seen it already.

[DON'T CRINGE STOP CRINGING!!!! OTHER PPL SHOULD B THE ONES CRINGING AT U]

How do we know you're the only company to have this product on your catalogue. What if there are others, competitors? That're bigger! Bolder! Thicker.

Edited 2016-03-20 03:55 (UTC)

_{[ Katsura feels his face ease and relax as he focuses on this giant d*ck. It's such a beautiful d*ck. He's almost tempted to ask if he can caress it right along the shaft.
Eyes fond (yes from looking at such a beautiful "military device" !!) he puts his attention on Tatsuma. ]}

You have to admit, Sakamoto, for such a device, it really is magnificent to look at, isn't it?
_{[ then, under his breath: ]}

Almost romantic.

_{[ Then, he perks up once more: ]}

It almost reminds me of something else, don't you agree?
But I don't know what. I can't put my finger on it.

[cue internal screaming bcuz he is thirsty and wants a kiss from his honey but he's gotta werk]

S-somethin' else...

[He is sweating, alright.]

Like a Christmas tree?

Edited 2016-03-20 04:05 (UTC)

Yeah..
_{[ Katsura says softly.. somehow his demeanor is really shy right now ..!? Was he blushing?

WHY. IT IS LITERALLY A GIANT DILDO.
Katsura looks at the client, expression warm, cheeks a light pink color. ]}

Do you have one in festive colors? Such as red and green together that we both can enjoy?
_{[ ENJOY... TO LOOK AT!! NOT USE!!! ]}

[Zura's shy behavior is making Sakamoto blush, too.

Sakamoto open's his mouth to ask a similar question, though it is cut short.

"Ahhh, well I suppose it is a kind of rocketship. Though it's meant to be used inside the body."]

[Sakamoto's expression changes drastically.]

Are you tryin' to sell me a murder weapon?

_{[ Katsura senses Sakamoto's tone and reaches over to place a hand on Tatsuma's shoulder reassuringly: ]}

Sakamoto, it is alright.
I am accustomed to using murder weapons as Christmas decor back at headquarters.
_{[ ??
Zura puts his attention back on the client, arms folding together and hands finding themselves in his sleeves. ]}

It lights up, so does it also play music to get others into the festive spirit?
_{[ a light up, musical, murder weapon. Why didn't he think of that? ]}

[That touch on the shoulder makes Sakamoto tingly in all sorts of disgusting places. It has been a while since they... Well, you know.

And speaking of sexy things, the salesman simply smiles in reply. Wait a second, where has Mutsu gone?

"Yes, yes! Let me play one for you," he moves around the back of the thing, probably to press a button or two, and this begins to play.]

Edited 2016-03-20 04:25 (UTC)

_{[ Zura cocks his head to the side and scrunches his nose up. ]}

Ah. That isn't very Christmas-y.
Did you not research Earth holidays and celebrations before pitching this product to us?

_{[ THIS!!!! IS THE THING THAT GETS HIM TO STOP AND QUESTION!!
THE MUSIC IT PLAYS. ]}

Why isn't it playing Joy to the World?

[Sakamoto blinks, turning to look at Zura.]

This isn't a Christmas carol?

[He's definitely shocked.]

No.. this is something else.. it is.. smooth sax. Smooth sax can only mean one thing..
_{[ why does Katsura realize this before Sakamoto.. it's a mystery.
Finally, something in his brain clicks, and he realizes what they are trying to sell. ]}

A—Ah. Sakamoto. This isn't a Christmas tree or a murder weapon. It's..
_{[ He leans to the side and whispers into his ear. For some reason, Zura can't bring himself to say dick or dildo, but: ]}

It's a bedroom toy.

_{[ like this is some kind of revelation.... ]}

A bedroom to-

[Suddenly, it all makes sense. The saxophone, those weird, vein-looking running along the sides of the bulge...

Sakamoto looks practically horrified.]

You can't be serious! Nobody's ***hole is that big!

_{[ He folds his arms once more and looks back at the client, clearing his throat. ]}

I'm sorry.
I don't think this item will fit in any bed.
Or any ***hole, as he said, for that matter.

It will be difficult for us to sell unless we find people who collect these, which may not be as hard as it sounds, but I will leave the decision up to my captain.

_{[ Listen to that, Sakamoto. You're his captain. ♡ ]}

["Oh, no! The people of our planet are fond of this kind of merchandise. I can give you a demonstration, if you'd like-"]

A-a-actually! I'm not that flexible! Not at all, not even a little bit!

["Silly man. ♥ I meant on me."]

That won't be necessary! You-

[He'd protest more, but his breath is caught at an odd moment and the sound dies in his throat. Zura just called him captain! His heart is is bursting with joy.]

Edited 2016-03-20 05:14 (UTC)

_{[ Katsura doesn't notice how Sakamoto's breath gets caught in his throat because he's ready to step in and interrupt with a proposal like that spoken by the client. ]}

—You don't need to give a demonstration. I, too, can give you a demonstration on how to detach your **** with one simple swipe of my katana.
I'm sure you wouldn't want that.

_{[ He sounds firm, but not dramatic— collected but definitely aggressive. ]}

Augh, I dunno...

[Sakamoto steps a little closer to Zura, first taking hold of the other's arm and pulling it behind his back. As soon as Zura's hand is out of their client's line of vision, Sakamoto intertwines his friend's fingers with his own.]

This stuff sounds great, but! It looks like a hassle to carry around. And the market for this kinda thing is sooo small! Big spenders, but there aren't a lot of 'em.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry~! Do ya have anything else? Maybe...

_{[ Katsura allows this, swallowing hard for a moment as it distracts him from the other man before them, but he squeezes Sakamoto's hand.

Once, then twice. Then he keeps his hand still within Sakamoto's grasp, idly running the pad of his thumb up the side of Sakamoto's palm.
He stammers, a bit nervous now. ]}

Y—Yes, something! Something else that will be a crowd-pleaser.. and possibly a smaller size?
What about something cute? Do you have cute?

Mmmmm, cute or-

[Sakamoto shifts so that one of his shoulder's brushes against Zura's. While it's a subtle gesture, this is definitely his way of reciprocating.]

Oh, I think I've got it!

What about the motor? In this thing. Your company manufactures those too, right?

[Looking surprised, the very gay alien stammers in response, "Y-yes! We manufacture those as well."]

Well then! I think I just might be interested, all over again.

Let's have a look!

_{[ Zura blinks when Sakamoto mentions the motor inside. He's not sure what something like that would be used for, but he's willing to trust Tatsuma's judgement. As under appreciated as Sakamoto seems at times, Zura knew that Sakamoto had skill when it came to things like this.

His hand drops from Sakamoto's as he prepares to move, if they need to.
Then, he also leans to the side to mutter at Tatsuma. ]}

The motor, Sakamoto?
_{[ Don't ask about it right in front of the gay alien, Zura. ]}

[They're walking again, with the client ahead of them, so Sakamoto can afford to dip his head and chuckle into Zura's ear. He still hasn't let go of the other's hand, but he does step back slightly.]

Yeah.

[Biting his lip and smirking at the same time, he gives Zura a once-over. Is he undressing him with his eyes? What a dirty bastard.]

I'll explain later.

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