[ He seems to happy and eager to get under the sheets and snuggle, Zura is a bit surprised. Not like he didn't think Sakamoto wasn't a touchy person-- he just wasn't accustomed to people wanting to hold him.
The only person who ever did outside of family wasn't here anymore.
Katsura looks embarrassed, again, and pulls his gaze to focus on something on the wall. ]
.. O-Oh. I see. It's, um.. [ his brows pin together, phrasing his words carefully. ] It's new..
Even if my body is cold, you will want to? [ he's warm after sex but without it he feels a bit clammy in some areas. ]
[Before, he had almost been afraid to touch the others. Out of the three, Zura was the easiest to approach in this regard. While Sakamoto was friendly, he did his best not to overstep, because he wasn't a part of the things they experienced as children.]
[ This was an unexpected response, but maybe Katsura was foolish to not expect it from somebody who was his friend and close to him. He seems a little unsure about the response, but folds his hands together and drops them in front of him before meekly saying: ]
—I want to be close to you too, Sakamoto. [ He wouldn't say that he always wanted to grow closer and closer to Sakamoto. He has never said anything like this before, either. Tatsuma might have felt differently— possibly wanting to be just as included with the other three, and they probably didn't all realize that as much.
His fingers twiddle and twist as he stands there, like he's expecting something. The bed is completely made— either he leaves Sakamoto to rest or joins him. ]
[Tatsuma, on the other hand, has never felt an ounce of spite.
There should be a limit to how much joy one can feel when around three rambunctious teenagers (who, at first glance, don't even appear to treat him very well) saddled with grief, but even now he can recount specific instances where he had simply been in their presence and felt truly happy. He was an outsider and a piss-poor excuse for a soldier, more of a merchant than a swordsman, but they let him in nonetheless.
Maybe it was because they needed him. It is rare for someone who is practically a stranger to care so very much.]
Well then! What are ya waitin' for? Get over here.
[Sakamoto flops onto the bed, extending a hand towards his friend.]
[ Katsura's eyes travel, following Sakamoto's movement as he flops onto the bed with a bounce. He looks at the hand extended to him and merely clears his throat, taking his hand daintily with the tips of his fingers as he scoots himself onto the bed as well before..
flopping right on top of Sakamoto and pushing his face into his neck, hiding himself. ]
[It's almost impossible to tell from the beaming smile on his face, but Sakamoto has spent the entire week feeling absolutely miserable. The members of the Kaientai know him all too well, his valiant facades cannot fool them after years of working alongside him, but he would keep at it. Constantly, he would say things like, "Zura's strong, too strong! He'll definitely get through this!"
And while he believed it, he still felt irreconcilably sad. To watch a loved one suffer is miserable for any person, but for Sakamoto it is downright devastating. Holding Zura in his arms is a relief, a relief and something else.]
You're so cute. ♥
[He may be a chatterbox, but he finds admitting certain things difficult. First of all, that this feeling is new, he's never been this happy to hold someone. Then again, when has he? Nobody else has ever spent the entire night in his room.
Mutsu and him had ended up falling asleep one night when they were very young, but that had been due to exhaustion, and they were practically children. It's good that nobody else knows, because waking up next to someone so special to him was definitely one of the best sensations he's ever had.
Come to think of it, those weeks in the hotel were pretty wonderful too.]
It's not so cute, it's Katsura..! [ His voice quakes from the slope in Tatsuma's neck, sounding flustered at first. Katsura wouldn't admit how much he enjoyed feeling skin against his skin, even if he was wearing his sleepwear and preferred it that way. But, the parts that were touching his bare skin made him feel warm; a heavy but content sigh escapes him as he practically melts into the bed (and his partner.)
What did it matter what they were?
The question gets him to hum inquisitively, peering up at Sakamoto with a pink dusting across his face.
Why did his heart beat so hard when he was so close? ]
A part of him doesn't want to say the word- "Boyfriend" just doesn't sound right. Perhaps it's foolish and even arrogant to think so, but Sakamoto believes their relationship runs deeper than that. They aren't two men who met at a bar and ended up together, and it's not as though Zura is here by choice either.
Sakamoto finds himself feeling nervous. He's never done this before, so he bites his lip for a split second, before smiling wryly as he whispers:]
Katsura.
[That was silly. Zura is much cuter, he's going to stick with that, but this is just to get his friend's attention.]
I've been thinkin' about you a lot. With the way you were actin', ya really had me worried! Before, y'know, when I kissed ya... You seemed kinda mad. Is that not okay?
[ He doesn't want to call him boyfriend either, so at least they are both on the same page as far as that goes. He blinks, enjoying the sound of Katsura leaving Tatsuma's lips in a meek whisper. What was to become out of this talk? Was he confessing something like love to him?
That's what Zura was expecting (and possibly hoping) to hear, which terrified him slightly. Sakamoto can probably see his eyes grow wide for a moment, but he eases out another sigh, as if he was holding his breath once Tatsuma is finished. He's been thinking about him a lot? There is some relief, as Sakamoto has been on his mind when it begins to wander aimlessly.
His heart is pounding a he gapes slightly at his partner. ]
A—Ah. [ Couples usually kiss. Did they have to call it a 'couple'? He liked it, though. The feeling of Sakamoto's lips; the feeling of being lavished with attention. ]
Do you.. really want to kiss me a lot? [ Because he's never really had anyone tell him that. ]
[He has yet to say the words, but it doesn't matter. Sakamoto's eyes and face are so honest in their affection that one could feel almost trapped by his gaze, which is warm and enticing in nature.
His laugh is short enough to be mistaken for a scoff, but there's nothing derisive about it.]
You sound surprised.
[They are a couple, a couple of good friends, or at least that's what Sakamoto would say. What does it matter, what people call them? It seems as if those kinds of labels are society's way to lock people up, to keep a relationship from changing.
If they don't say anything about it, they can allow it to grow however they wish.]
Haaa? Is it wrong to be surprised? [ Zura snorts slightly through his nose, eyebrows beginning to pin together slightly. Katsura doesn't feel comfortable admitting that he really wants to kiss him a lot, too. But he wonders if Tatsuma would have the same kind of response as he did at this statement.
Anyway, his cheeks begin to burn again; he really wishes one day his blushing would cease and not be so obvious over the slightest things like acceptance... and friendship .. or when somebody runs their hands through his hair. It was one thing he disliked about himself (and there really isn't much he dislikes about himself.)
To make it clear (since they misinterpret each other a lot), he speaks again: ]
—You may. [ He even shuts his eyes and creases his lips together in a kissing pose, waiting expectantly. Thank you for asking, Sakamoto. He respects that. ]
[As he watches Zura's cheeks fill with color, Sakamoto feels a buzz. It hits him hard and fast, like a vehicle without the pain, but it still leaves him reeling, light-headed. If he were more of a cynical person, he would wonder- Just how bad will the hangover be?
He leans in to bring their lips together, savoring the way Zura's breath dances across his lips. Sakamoto's back and feet ache terribly from standing all day, but this is something he soon forgets.
When he closes his eyes, he can almost imagine a future together. How strange.]
[ It's .. a little strange. Katsura isn't sure he's ever been in a situation like this, either. Whatever the hell happened between him and Takasugi, it was much different than.. whatever this was. Very, very much so— and a lot more complicated. It's a small, sweet kiss and suddenly Sakamoto seems more content. It was hard to know with him— with how he forced a smile all of the time and laughed the loudest. Zura knew, though, Sakamoto wasn't always what he appeared and kept note of this and his behavior when he wasn't paying attention. Here, though.. it is obvious something has made him feel more happy.
Zura's eyes open when Sakamoto's shut, brown gaze flicking over his face. That was it? He just wanted simply affection like this? Because Katsura likes this.. he really likes this. Maybe if Tatsuma opens his eyes he'll catch Katsura staring at him, a genuine smile settled on his face.
He's.. so happy. So happy that somebody is here with him and it's somebody who won't leave him anytime soon. It's almost like now— in this moment— he realizes that maybe— just maybe— he won't end up alone.
It's all because of him.
He blinks away a veil of tears that have pooled suddenly over his eyes, lifting a hand to brush his fingers against Tatsuma's curly fringe and against his forehead. Katsura was strong and could conceal emotions well depending on what they were with his usual stoic face. What did it matter, though? Why should he hide anything from Tatsuma at this rate? ]
My dear friend— [ You're so precious to me, he says in his mind, but opts for something else: ]
[Sakamoto begins to dry the tears immediately with his warm fingers, something that Zura should get quite used to as he will do it every time the other man cries. He then kisses both cheeks, each slowly and softly, smiling even though it hurts to see his other friend so whittled down.
The space traveler doesn't understand why he's so happy, but when he feels this good, why bother asking questions?
He doesn't even crave reciprocity, most likely because it's not something he's ever had. While he's been loved and given love, it is hard to say whether or not any other living being returns the kind of affection he harbors for them in his heart. There is something wonderful about about finding good in almost everyone you meet, but there is a price to pay for this kind of joy too.
Sakamoto hardly ever thinks about it, but there was a chance that nobody would ever care for him the same way he does for them- Until now.]
[ His kisses— his touch. These gestures are so gentle and sweet.. it's almost overwhelming for him. Yet, he can't get enough. Nobody has ever held him this intimately and this close before and Zura can't help but be captivated by his softness and sincerity.
He wants to be more.
Katsura shifts his entire body, easing himself completely on top of Sakamoto. Hopefully he doesn't mind to be slept on like this, because Zura wants to be as close as he can.
He settles, for now, his legs tangled with Tatsuma's under the sheets and places his chin in between Sakamoto's chin and collar bone. Zura was so close, Sakamoto could feel every single heart beat that pounded wildly behind his chest. ]
I'm thankful I can live on. [ because of you. ]
I know you will live on too.. especially with me by your side. [ He's saying he will protect you and be loyal to you. ]
[He opens his mouth wide, and a sound dies in his throat. What a disgusting thing, to moan in the midst of such a tender moment, but Sakamoto can't help himself. His friend's chin against his chest, it's bizarre but wonderful, tickling him in ways that hit nerves he never even knew he had.
So this is bliss.]
What are ya sayin'?
[It hasn't become clear to him yet, mostly because he hasn't thought any of it through, negotiating Zura's plea was something he did on impulse, but he wants to hear more of it.
Sakamoto can't remember the last time this kind of talk has been directed at him, not extensively. Perhaps one wonderful line after a litany of curses, in memories of that white-haired friend who is now long gone, and maybe in the dim light of almost-morning when he and Mutsu are putting the finishing touches on a hard-earned business deal.]
[ Katsura can't deny him. Not when they are close and warm together like this. He does prop himself up with his hands folded under his chin and his hands placed right on Sakamoto's chest, peering straight at him.
He has no other choice to protect you, but even if he did, he would choose to in a heart beat. His cheeks dust pink, looking to the side slightly as he speaks: ]
—With my life. [ His eyelids fall shut before his fingers slowly lift to cover some of his face. He feels the need to add something else next, though: ]
..If that is alright. [ Unlike Gintoki who would aggressively protect; barge his way into people's lives and rescue them, Katsura had a sense of feeling unwanted at times, so maybe he ought to double check. Which was silly, especially when talking to somebody so dear to him. ]
[Sakamoto gets the urge to look away but he can't.
Suddenly, he wants to spit out everything. How this is the first time anyone has ever caressed him in this bed, the first time he's felt the urge to invest in a relationship so damn permanent-]
[ Zura pulls his eyes away— out of his slender fingers which served as a curtain to hide them. He gives Sakamoto his full attention, looking at him. He felt his throat swell up and he manages to swallow, but keeps his composure. ]
[The smile is in his eyes now, moreso than in his mouth.]
I want you to live beautifully.
[He has no fucking idea.
Sakamoto does not know that these are words Gintoki once whispered to Zura, in those days long ago on the battlefield. They are the same but different in context, Sakamoto wants his friend to learn to be happy with the way things have turned out, to take things as they come and make the best out of them.
That feeling. It is re-occurring. From so many years ago.
The feeling of fear, sadness, failure, and desperation to find a way out. The feeling of then being picked up by sturdy arms and reassurance.
This is what Katsura was told as he tempted to slit his belly and die as a legend. If these words were no spoken to him and encouraged by his dear friend who is no longer with him, who knows if he would still be here today— tangled in a mess of sheets and nestled in the arms of somebody dear.
Instantly, Zura's eyes fill up with tears again, flooding over his lashes and pouring down his face. He doesn't know what to say, so he opts for just burying his face back into Sakamoto's neck and chest.
[Sakamoto lets out a laugh, the corners of his mouth turning upwards slightly, though he's not chuckling at Zura's expense. This is more of a nervous, concerned sound, much like how people often smile when things go awry.
His arms are sturdy alright, and he reaches out his right hand to caress one side of his beloved friend's face. Sakamoto's scar is visible in the dim light cast by the stars through the window, and Zura might even feel it brush against his face as he's handled very gently.]
I've gone and made ya cry again. Sorry, sorry! Ahaha.
Seems like I've been doin' that a lot tonight.
[The tears feel cold against his bare skin, but there is relief in Sakamoto's body when he feels them. It would be completely abnormal if Zura was "fine," it's better that he's reacting normally and with reasonable emotion.
He is reminded of something unpleasant.
Of how two particular friends of theirs had forgotten how to feel after a while, because intense, long-suffering pain dulls the senses.
It can make a man numb forever.]
Listen... You're really worth keepin' around, even if ya nag. I'm already feelin' a lot better now that you're here.
[Now it doesn't seem so awful when the door is shut.]
—You don't understand.. [ Katsura manages to say, peering up at Tatsuma as he tries to focus on him with watery vision. He has difficult breathing and pulls his fingers to his eyes, wiping away more tears as they flow down his cheeks. ]
Gintoki said this to me once. It makes me wonder how beautifully I am living when I feel like there isn't much to live for at times.
[ With his friends and family gone— with Japan hardly changing. ]
[Sakamoto shouldn't be surprised, the novelty is brief. He and Gintoki both loved Zura dearly, even if the latter did know him better.]
Ohhhh~! No wonder.
[Japan is changing, but not in the way Zura might like.
Sakamoto knows this from experience, but he says nothing about it, it isn't relevant now.]
I know it may seem like that now. But when things 'n people are taken from us, and it's hard to see the road ahead...
You gotta remember that life is a gift, and it keeps on givin'! Even after it takes away. It's your duty to accept that gift, because you're still here to hold it.
The people you love who may not be here right now... If they saw ya bein' ungrateful, wouldn't they be pissed? I know, I know! Things have been so hard on you lately. I'm not criticizin' ya. It's just somethin' to think about, later. When you've got the stomach for it.
[ He manages to catch his breath, putting his gaze on Sakamoto once more. Oh, good grief— his nose was beginning to run already; that quick. It felt satisfying to cry again, even though he can been doing it on and off over the past few days. His arms lift, shoving around Sakamoto's neck when he is finished talking and sobbing lightly into his cheek. Hopefully Sakamoto won't mind tears against his face.
Sakamoto is right. Katsura knows it, but it's harder for him to feign a smile like Sakamoto can do with such a deceitful face. Zura was too open and expressive with his emotions.
He know he has already said it, but he says it again: ]
Please don't ever leave me like the rest. [ You're someone he loves and you're right here. ]
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The only person who ever did outside of family wasn't here anymore.
Katsura looks embarrassed, again, and pulls his gaze to focus on something on the wall. ]
.. O-Oh. I see.
It's, um..
[ his brows pin together, phrasing his words carefully. ]
It's new..
Even if my body is cold, you will want to?
[ he's warm after sex but without it he feels a bit clammy in some areas. ]
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[Before, he had almost been afraid to touch the others. Out of the three, Zura was the easiest to approach in this regard. While Sakamoto was friendly, he did his best not to overstep, because he wasn't a part of the things they experienced as children.]
I just wanna be close to you.
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—I want to be close to you too, Sakamoto.
[ He wouldn't say that he always wanted to grow closer and closer to Sakamoto. He has never said anything like this before, either. Tatsuma might have felt differently— possibly wanting to be just as included with the other three, and they probably didn't all realize that as much.
His fingers twiddle and twist as he stands there, like he's expecting something. The bed is completely made— either he leaves Sakamoto to rest or joins him. ]
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There should be a limit to how much joy one can feel when around three rambunctious teenagers (who, at first glance, don't even appear to treat him very well) saddled with grief, but even now he can recount specific instances where he had simply been in their presence and felt truly happy. He was an outsider and a piss-poor excuse for a soldier, more of a merchant than a swordsman, but they let him in nonetheless.
Maybe it was because they needed him. It is rare for someone who is practically a stranger to care so very much.]
Well then! What are ya waitin' for? Get over here.
[Sakamoto flops onto the bed, extending a hand towards his friend.]
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flopping right on top of Sakamoto and pushing his face into his neck, hiding himself. ]
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And while he believed it, he still felt irreconcilably sad. To watch a loved one suffer is miserable for any person, but for Sakamoto it is downright devastating. Holding Zura in his arms is a relief, a relief and something else.]
You're so cute. ♥
[He may be a chatterbox, but he finds admitting certain things difficult. First of all, that this feeling is new, he's never been this happy to hold someone. Then again, when has he? Nobody else has ever spent the entire night in his room.
Mutsu and him had ended up falling asleep one night when they were very young, but that had been due to exhaustion, and they were practically children. It's good that nobody else knows, because waking up next to someone so special to him was definitely one of the best sensations he's ever had.
Come to think of it, those weeks in the hotel were pretty wonderful too.]
Hey, hey~! Can I ask ya somethin'?
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[ His voice quakes from the slope in Tatsuma's neck, sounding flustered at first. Katsura wouldn't admit how much he enjoyed feeling skin against his skin, even if he was wearing his sleepwear and preferred it that way. But, the parts that were touching his bare skin made him feel warm; a heavy but content sigh escapes him as he practically melts into the bed (and his partner.)
What did it matter what they were?
The question gets him to hum inquisitively, peering up at Sakamoto with a pink dusting across his face.
Why did his heart beat so hard when he was so close? ]
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A part of him doesn't want to say the word- "Boyfriend" just doesn't sound right. Perhaps it's foolish and even arrogant to think so, but Sakamoto believes their relationship runs deeper than that. They aren't two men who met at a bar and ended up together, and it's not as though Zura is here by choice either.
Sakamoto finds himself feeling nervous. He's never done this before, so he bites his lip for a split second, before smiling wryly as he whispers:]
Katsura.
[That was silly. Zura is much cuter, he's going to stick with that, but this is just to get his friend's attention.]
I've been thinkin' about you a lot. With the way you were actin', ya really had me worried! Before, y'know, when I kissed ya... You seemed kinda mad. Is that not okay?
Kissing?
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That's what Zura was expecting (and possibly hoping) to hear, which terrified him slightly. Sakamoto can probably see his eyes grow wide for a moment, but he eases out another sigh, as if he was holding his breath once Tatsuma is finished.
He's been thinking about him a lot? There is some relief, as Sakamoto has been on his mind when it begins to wander aimlessly.
His heart is pounding a he gapes slightly at his partner. ]
A—Ah.
[ Couples usually kiss. Did they have to call it a 'couple'?
He liked it, though. The feeling of Sakamoto's lips; the feeling of being lavished with attention. ]
Do you.. really want to kiss me a lot?
[ Because he's never really had anyone tell him that. ]
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His laugh is short enough to be mistaken for a scoff, but there's nothing derisive about it.]
You sound surprised.
[They are a couple, a couple of good friends, or at least that's what Sakamoto would say. What does it matter, what people call them? It seems as if those kinds of labels are society's way to lock people up, to keep a relationship from changing.
If they don't say anything about it, they can allow it to grow however they wish.]
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[ Zura snorts slightly through his nose, eyebrows beginning to pin together slightly. Katsura doesn't feel comfortable admitting that he really wants to kiss him a lot, too. But he wonders if Tatsuma would have the same kind of response as he did at this statement.
Anyway, his cheeks begin to burn again; he really wishes one day his blushing would cease and not be so obvious over the slightest things like acceptance... and friendship .. or when somebody runs their hands through his hair. It was one thing he disliked about himself (and there really isn't much he dislikes about himself.)
To make it clear (since they misinterpret each other a lot), he speaks again: ]
—You may.
[ He even shuts his eyes and creases his lips together in a kissing pose, waiting expectantly.
Thank you for asking, Sakamoto. He respects that. ]
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He leans in to bring their lips together, savoring the way Zura's breath dances across his lips. Sakamoto's back and feet ache terribly from standing all day, but this is something he soon forgets.
When he closes his eyes, he can almost imagine a future together. How strange.]
Ahhhh~! This is so nice...
[He's never had anything like it.
Maybe he's taken too much.]
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It's a small, sweet kiss and suddenly Sakamoto seems more content. It was hard to know with him— with how he forced a smile all of the time and laughed the loudest. Zura knew, though, Sakamoto wasn't always what he appeared and kept note of this and his behavior when he wasn't paying attention. Here, though.. it is obvious something has made him feel more happy.
Zura's eyes open when Sakamoto's shut, brown gaze flicking over his face. That was it? He just wanted simply affection like this? Because Katsura likes this.. he really likes this. Maybe if Tatsuma opens his eyes he'll catch Katsura staring at him, a genuine smile settled on his face.
He's.. so happy. So happy that somebody is here with him and it's somebody who won't leave him anytime soon. It's almost like now— in this moment— he realizes that maybe— just maybe— he won't end up alone.
It's all because of him.
He blinks away a veil of tears that have pooled suddenly over his eyes, lifting a hand to brush his fingers against Tatsuma's curly fringe and against his forehead. Katsura was strong and could conceal emotions well depending on what they were with his usual stoic face. What did it matter, though? Why should he hide anything from Tatsuma at this rate? ]
My dear friend—
[ You're so precious to me, he says in his mind, but opts for something else: ]
You're all I have left.
Thank you.
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The space traveler doesn't understand why he's so happy, but when he feels this good, why bother asking questions?
He doesn't even crave reciprocity, most likely because it's not something he's ever had. While he's been loved and given love, it is hard to say whether or not any other living being returns the kind of affection he harbors for them in his heart. There is something wonderful about about finding good in almost everyone you meet, but there is a price to pay for this kind of joy too.
Sakamoto hardly ever thinks about it, but there was a chance that nobody would ever care for him the same way he does for them- Until now.]
I'll do my best...
To make it all worth your while.
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He wants to be more.
Katsura shifts his entire body, easing himself completely on top of Sakamoto. Hopefully he doesn't mind to be slept on like this, because Zura wants to be as close as he can.
He settles, for now, his legs tangled with Tatsuma's under the sheets and places his chin in between Sakamoto's chin and collar bone.
Zura was so close, Sakamoto could feel every single heart beat that pounded wildly behind his chest. ]
I'm thankful I can live on.
[ because of you. ]
I know you will live on too.. especially with me by your side.
[ He's saying he will protect you and be loyal to you. ]
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[He opens his mouth wide, and a sound dies in his throat. What a disgusting thing, to moan in the midst of such a tender moment, but Sakamoto can't help himself. His friend's chin against his chest, it's bizarre but wonderful, tickling him in ways that hit nerves he never even knew he had.
So this is bliss.]
What are ya sayin'?
[It hasn't become clear to him yet, mostly because he hasn't thought any of it through, negotiating Zura's plea was something he did on impulse, but he wants to hear more of it.
Sakamoto can't remember the last time this kind of talk has been directed at him, not extensively. Perhaps one wonderful line after a litany of curses, in memories of that white-haired friend who is now long gone, and maybe in the dim light of almost-morning when he and Mutsu are putting the finishing touches on a hard-earned business deal.]
Are you gonna protect me?
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He has no other choice to protect you, but even if he did, he would choose to in a heart beat.
His cheeks dust pink, looking to the side slightly as he speaks: ]
—With my life.
[ His eyelids fall shut before his fingers slowly lift to cover some of his face.
He feels the need to add something else next, though: ]
..If that is alright.
[ Unlike Gintoki who would aggressively protect; barge his way into people's lives and rescue them, Katsura had a sense of feeling unwanted at times, so maybe he ought to double check.
Which was silly, especially when talking to somebody so dear to him. ]
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Suddenly, he wants to spit out everything. How this is the first time anyone has ever caressed him in this bed, the first time he's felt the urge to invest in a relationship so damn permanent-]
Zura.
I gotta ask somethin' else of ya. Listen up.
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He felt his throat swell up and he manages to swallow, but keeps his composure. ]
Haah?
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[The smile is in his eyes now, moreso than in his mouth.]
I want you to live beautifully.
[He has no fucking idea.
Sakamoto does not know that these are words Gintoki once whispered to Zura, in those days long ago on the battlefield. They are the same but different in context, Sakamoto wants his friend to learn to be happy with the way things have turned out, to take things as they come and make the best out of them.
Like he has, I guess.]
Until the end.
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It strikes him.
That feeling.
It is re-occurring.
From so many years ago.
The feeling of fear, sadness, failure, and desperation to find a way out. The feeling of then being picked up by sturdy arms and reassurance.
This is what Katsura was told as he tempted to slit his belly and die as a legend. If these words were no spoken to him and encouraged by his dear friend who is no longer with him, who knows if he would still be here today— tangled in a mess of sheets and nestled in the arms of somebody dear.
Instantly, Zura's eyes fill up with tears again, flooding over his lashes and pouring down his face. He doesn't know what to say, so he opts for just burying his face back into Sakamoto's neck and chest.
Look what you've done, Tatsuma.
He cared.
Sakamoto cares.
It'll be okay. ]
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[Sakamoto lets out a laugh, the corners of his mouth turning upwards slightly, though he's not chuckling at Zura's expense. This is more of a nervous, concerned sound, much like how people often smile when things go awry.
His arms are sturdy alright, and he reaches out his right hand to caress one side of his beloved friend's face. Sakamoto's scar is visible in the dim light cast by the stars through the window, and Zura might even feel it brush against his face as he's handled very gently.]
I've gone and made ya cry again. Sorry, sorry! Ahaha.
Seems like I've been doin' that a lot tonight.
[The tears feel cold against his bare skin, but there is relief in Sakamoto's body when he feels them. It would be completely abnormal if Zura was "fine," it's better that he's reacting normally and with reasonable emotion.
He is reminded of something unpleasant.
Of how two particular friends of theirs had forgotten how to feel after a while, because intense, long-suffering pain dulls the senses.
It can make a man numb forever.]
Listen... You're really worth keepin' around, even if ya nag. I'm already feelin' a lot better now that you're here.
[Now it doesn't seem so awful when the door is shut.]
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[ Katsura manages to say, peering up at Tatsuma as he tries to focus on him with watery vision. He has difficult breathing and pulls his fingers to his eyes, wiping away more tears as they flow down his cheeks. ]
Gintoki said this to me once.
It makes me wonder how beautifully I am living when I feel like there isn't much to live for at times.
[ With his friends and family gone— with Japan hardly changing. ]
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[Sakamoto shouldn't be surprised, the novelty is brief. He and Gintoki both loved Zura dearly, even if the latter did know him better.]
Ohhhh~! No wonder.
[Japan is changing, but not in the way Zura might like.
Sakamoto knows this from experience, but he says nothing about it, it isn't relevant now.]
I know it may seem like that now. But when things 'n people are taken from us, and it's hard to see the road ahead...
You gotta remember that life is a gift, and it keeps on givin'! Even after it takes away. It's your duty to accept that gift, because you're still here to hold it.
The people you love who may not be here right now... If they saw ya bein' ungrateful, wouldn't they be pissed? I know, I know! Things have been so hard on you lately. I'm not criticizin' ya. It's just somethin' to think about, later. When you've got the stomach for it.
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Sakamoto is right. Katsura knows it, but it's harder for him to feign a smile like Sakamoto can do with such a deceitful face. Zura was too open and expressive with his emotions.
He know he has already said it, but he says it again: ]
Please don't ever leave me like the rest.
[ You're someone he loves and you're right here. ]
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im like 3 days too late i hate myself for loving themes