That feeling. It is re-occurring. From so many years ago.
The feeling of fear, sadness, failure, and desperation to find a way out. The feeling of then being picked up by sturdy arms and reassurance.
This is what Katsura was told as he tempted to slit his belly and die as a legend. If these words were no spoken to him and encouraged by his dear friend who is no longer with him, who knows if he would still be here today— tangled in a mess of sheets and nestled in the arms of somebody dear.
Instantly, Zura's eyes fill up with tears again, flooding over his lashes and pouring down his face. He doesn't know what to say, so he opts for just burying his face back into Sakamoto's neck and chest.
[Sakamoto lets out a laugh, the corners of his mouth turning upwards slightly, though he's not chuckling at Zura's expense. This is more of a nervous, concerned sound, much like how people often smile when things go awry.
His arms are sturdy alright, and he reaches out his right hand to caress one side of his beloved friend's face. Sakamoto's scar is visible in the dim light cast by the stars through the window, and Zura might even feel it brush against his face as he's handled very gently.]
I've gone and made ya cry again. Sorry, sorry! Ahaha.
Seems like I've been doin' that a lot tonight.
[The tears feel cold against his bare skin, but there is relief in Sakamoto's body when he feels them. It would be completely abnormal if Zura was "fine," it's better that he's reacting normally and with reasonable emotion.
He is reminded of something unpleasant.
Of how two particular friends of theirs had forgotten how to feel after a while, because intense, long-suffering pain dulls the senses.
It can make a man numb forever.]
Listen... You're really worth keepin' around, even if ya nag. I'm already feelin' a lot better now that you're here.
[Now it doesn't seem so awful when the door is shut.]
—You don't understand.. [ Katsura manages to say, peering up at Tatsuma as he tries to focus on him with watery vision. He has difficult breathing and pulls his fingers to his eyes, wiping away more tears as they flow down his cheeks. ]
Gintoki said this to me once. It makes me wonder how beautifully I am living when I feel like there isn't much to live for at times.
[ With his friends and family gone— with Japan hardly changing. ]
[Sakamoto shouldn't be surprised, the novelty is brief. He and Gintoki both loved Zura dearly, even if the latter did know him better.]
Ohhhh~! No wonder.
[Japan is changing, but not in the way Zura might like.
Sakamoto knows this from experience, but he says nothing about it, it isn't relevant now.]
I know it may seem like that now. But when things 'n people are taken from us, and it's hard to see the road ahead...
You gotta remember that life is a gift, and it keeps on givin'! Even after it takes away. It's your duty to accept that gift, because you're still here to hold it.
The people you love who may not be here right now... If they saw ya bein' ungrateful, wouldn't they be pissed? I know, I know! Things have been so hard on you lately. I'm not criticizin' ya. It's just somethin' to think about, later. When you've got the stomach for it.
[ He manages to catch his breath, putting his gaze on Sakamoto once more. Oh, good grief— his nose was beginning to run already; that quick. It felt satisfying to cry again, even though he can been doing it on and off over the past few days. His arms lift, shoving around Sakamoto's neck when he is finished talking and sobbing lightly into his cheek. Hopefully Sakamoto won't mind tears against his face.
Sakamoto is right. Katsura knows it, but it's harder for him to feign a smile like Sakamoto can do with such a deceitful face. Zura was too open and expressive with his emotions.
He know he has already said it, but he says it again: ]
Please don't ever leave me like the rest. [ You're someone he loves and you're right here. ]
I know you might think that I'm shittin' ya, or whatever, but that ain't it. I don't really-
[Carefully.]
I don't really throw people away. Don't believe in that shit.
[Very much the opposite. Granny, for example, is old and for some she might be more trouble than she is worth, but she is family. He will keep everyone on this ship here, even when they are no longer able to work.
They are always picking up new employees- People who have been bought and sold, people who are tired and out work, or even far from their families.]
[ He believes Sakamoto. He does. Sakamoto has said a lot of shit and told a lot of lies in the past, but.. the way he looks at him and talks to him so sweetly. Katsura has no other choice other than to believe him.
Sakamoto may notice the weight of Zura body rest on him even more so as he relaxes, settling with his face buried against Sakamoto's cheek; his arms snugged around his neck. He was going to try and sleep this way— as close as he can to his dear friend if he would allow it.
He whispers: ]
I won't throw you away either. You mean too much to me.
[Sakamoto places his hand on Zura's back, and sifts through strands of dark hair while ruminating quietly.
There are so many questions that pop into his head, the man in his arms is healing on the outside, but honestly, is he any better at all? In the years after the war Sakamoto hasn't seen Zura very often or even for very long, of course they're were happy when they were together, but what about when they were apart?]
I wanna make you happy. Like, real happy.
You haven't felt that way in a while, huh, Zura?
[A moment of honesty between them, mostly because they are going to be so close for so long. This is a life pact of sorts, because Sakamoto is not going anywhere and Zura has nowhere to go.]
[ This.. what was this. Exchanging such words and such sincerity to one another. Sakamoto wantsto make him happy; he wants to be loyal to Sakamoto. They were falling in love with one another, weren't they?
Though, Sakamoto is making promises Katsura isn't sure he will be able to follow through with. Making Zura smile on the outside was relatively easy, but on the inside.. It was going to take a lot.
This was a good start. ]
You can begin by kissing me goodnight. [ look at that. You earned yourself some more kisses. ]
[ He's so chipper and happy sounding. Whether he fakes it or not, it's something Katsura envies. A few more tears are scrubbed from his face before he flutters his lashes a few times and shuts his eyes.
The war was very different- While he always loved the art of a sale, being a part of something that ultimate wrought chaos and destruction was what burdened him most. This ship is his livelihood, he is living the dream that he's had since he was a child- Bringing planets and people together, all while sailing amongst the stars.
He just gets tired, sometimes, but it is the job of a leader to be ever-present in major negotiations. And that too, while the members of the Kaientai have learned a lot, they were not born into the business that is selling one's soul, so he must carefully preside over the things that happen too.
Mutsu is good at her job, amazing, but there are things even she has yet to learn. Sakamoto has always been a little better with people. That being said, when he needs love, when he needs a break...
That is when he begins to break.]
Mmmm~
[Sakamoto leans in to press kisses to Zura's eyelids first, laughing at the tingling sensation of dark lashes against his lips. He then proceeds to kiss the other's nose and each cheeks before lingering as he finally lands on Zura's mouth.]
[ It's embarrassing. Everything Sakamoto is doing is so embarrassing. Katsura feels so hot in the face when their lips mesh together; he even chases after Sakamoto's mouth with his own before he speaks in a hushed tone "goodnight."
He's a disaster right now and it reads perfectly on his face— the way red etched over his cheeks and spread to his ears; the way his entire body warmed and how fast his heart was beating. Tatsuma has done it— he's wiggled himself into an even more special place in his heart by his actions an behavior as of late.
Instantly his hands go to his face to hide himself. Everything about this moment is so much; he is overjoyed, though. Sakamoto might even catch him smiling before he burrows into Sakamoto further, tugging the blanket closer and tighter around them both as his head finds a comfy place at the edge of his jaw and into his neck.
He loves this man. He always has, but his love for him is growing into something deeper and intimate.
Zura purses his lips to kiss against his neck. ]
Goodnight. [ He whispers. ]
im like 3 days too late i hate myself for loving themes
Sakamoto shifts around slightly so that he can be comfortable while bearing the weight of his friend's body. Heavy as it is, it's magnificent. Stupid people have trusted this notorious con-man with many things, but never has anyone entrusted him with their heart.
A heart is a tender and fragile thing, and maybe his hands are too clumsy to hold one without dropping it. But this time he won't hesitate to take it, he has been afraid to before in the past. Intimacy of this nature is something he has both dreaded and craved, searched for and never found beneath the sheets of cold strangers.
Wouldn't it be nice to go out on a normal date? To not have to imbibe copious amounts of alcohol to keep from noticing the scowl on the face of whoever he's with, so that he can ignore the insincerity of their voices or the disgust written so clearly all over their faces.
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no subject
It strikes him.
That feeling.
It is re-occurring.
From so many years ago.
The feeling of fear, sadness, failure, and desperation to find a way out. The feeling of then being picked up by sturdy arms and reassurance.
This is what Katsura was told as he tempted to slit his belly and die as a legend. If these words were no spoken to him and encouraged by his dear friend who is no longer with him, who knows if he would still be here today— tangled in a mess of sheets and nestled in the arms of somebody dear.
Instantly, Zura's eyes fill up with tears again, flooding over his lashes and pouring down his face. He doesn't know what to say, so he opts for just burying his face back into Sakamoto's neck and chest.
Look what you've done, Tatsuma.
He cared.
Sakamoto cares.
It'll be okay. ]
no subject
[Sakamoto lets out a laugh, the corners of his mouth turning upwards slightly, though he's not chuckling at Zura's expense. This is more of a nervous, concerned sound, much like how people often smile when things go awry.
His arms are sturdy alright, and he reaches out his right hand to caress one side of his beloved friend's face. Sakamoto's scar is visible in the dim light cast by the stars through the window, and Zura might even feel it brush against his face as he's handled very gently.]
I've gone and made ya cry again. Sorry, sorry! Ahaha.
Seems like I've been doin' that a lot tonight.
[The tears feel cold against his bare skin, but there is relief in Sakamoto's body when he feels them. It would be completely abnormal if Zura was "fine," it's better that he's reacting normally and with reasonable emotion.
He is reminded of something unpleasant.
Of how two particular friends of theirs had forgotten how to feel after a while, because intense, long-suffering pain dulls the senses.
It can make a man numb forever.]
Listen... You're really worth keepin' around, even if ya nag. I'm already feelin' a lot better now that you're here.
[Now it doesn't seem so awful when the door is shut.]
no subject
[ Katsura manages to say, peering up at Tatsuma as he tries to focus on him with watery vision. He has difficult breathing and pulls his fingers to his eyes, wiping away more tears as they flow down his cheeks. ]
Gintoki said this to me once.
It makes me wonder how beautifully I am living when I feel like there isn't much to live for at times.
[ With his friends and family gone— with Japan hardly changing. ]
no subject
[Sakamoto shouldn't be surprised, the novelty is brief. He and Gintoki both loved Zura dearly, even if the latter did know him better.]
Ohhhh~! No wonder.
[Japan is changing, but not in the way Zura might like.
Sakamoto knows this from experience, but he says nothing about it, it isn't relevant now.]
I know it may seem like that now. But when things 'n people are taken from us, and it's hard to see the road ahead...
You gotta remember that life is a gift, and it keeps on givin'! Even after it takes away. It's your duty to accept that gift, because you're still here to hold it.
The people you love who may not be here right now... If they saw ya bein' ungrateful, wouldn't they be pissed? I know, I know! Things have been so hard on you lately. I'm not criticizin' ya. It's just somethin' to think about, later. When you've got the stomach for it.
no subject
Sakamoto is right. Katsura knows it, but it's harder for him to feign a smile like Sakamoto can do with such a deceitful face. Zura was too open and expressive with his emotions.
He know he has already said it, but he says it again: ]
Please don't ever leave me like the rest.
[ You're someone he loves and you're right here. ]
no subject
It's my duty to stay with you.
[And he means it.
Sakamoto takes his duties very seriously.]
I know you might think that I'm shittin' ya, or whatever, but that ain't it. I don't really-
[Carefully.]
I don't really throw people away. Don't believe in that shit.
[Very much the opposite. Granny, for example, is old and for some she might be more trouble than she is worth, but she is family. He will keep everyone on this ship here, even when they are no longer able to work.
They are always picking up new employees- People who have been bought and sold, people who are tired and out work, or even far from their families.]
I just can't bear it.
no subject
Sakamoto may notice the weight of Zura body rest on him even more so as he relaxes, settling with his face buried against Sakamoto's cheek; his arms snugged around his neck. He was going to try and sleep this way— as close as he can to his dear friend if he would allow it.
He whispers: ]
I won't throw you away either.
You mean too much to me.
no subject
There are so many questions that pop into his head, the man in his arms is healing on the outside, but honestly, is he any better at all? In the years after the war Sakamoto hasn't seen Zura very often or even for very long, of course they're were happy when they were together, but what about when they were apart?]
I wanna make you happy. Like, real happy.
You haven't felt that way in a while, huh, Zura?
[A moment of honesty between them, mostly because they are going to be so close for so long. This is a life pact of sorts, because Sakamoto is not going anywhere and Zura has nowhere to go.]
It doesn't matter if you've forgotten.
I'm gonna make you smile again.
no subject
They were falling in love with one another, weren't they?
Though, Sakamoto is making promises Katsura isn't sure he will be able to follow through with. Making Zura smile on the outside was relatively easy, but on the inside..
It was going to take a lot.
This was a good start. ]
You can begin by kissing me goodnight.
[ look at that. You earned yourself some more kisses. ]
no subject
[It's not a promise that he's going to fufill, per se, but more of a promise that he'll do his damn best to try.]
Close yer eyes.
no subject
A few more tears are scrubbed from his face before he flutters his lashes a few times and shuts his eyes.
His lips perk up, too. ]
no subject
The war was very different- While he always loved the art of a sale, being a part of something that ultimate wrought chaos and destruction was what burdened him most. This ship is his livelihood, he is living the dream that he's had since he was a child- Bringing planets and people together, all while sailing amongst the stars.
He just gets tired, sometimes, but it is the job of a leader to be ever-present in major negotiations. And that too, while the members of the Kaientai have learned a lot, they were not born into the business that is selling one's soul, so he must carefully preside over the things that happen too.
Mutsu is good at her job, amazing, but there are things even she has yet to learn. Sakamoto has always been a little better with people. That being said, when he needs love, when he needs a break...
That is when he begins to break.]
Mmmm~
[Sakamoto leans in to press kisses to Zura's eyelids first, laughing at the tingling sensation of dark lashes against his lips. He then proceeds to kiss the other's nose and each cheeks before lingering as he finally lands on Zura's mouth.]
Goodnight.
no subject
He's a disaster right now and it reads perfectly on his face— the way red etched over his cheeks and spread to his ears; the way his entire body warmed and how fast his heart was beating. Tatsuma has done it— he's wiggled himself into an even more special place in his heart by his actions an behavior as of late.
Instantly his hands go to his face to hide himself. Everything about this moment is so much; he is overjoyed, though. Sakamoto might even catch him smiling before he burrows into Sakamoto further, tugging the blanket closer and tighter around them both as his head finds a comfy place at the edge of his jaw and into his neck.
He loves this man. He always has, but his love for him is growing into something deeper and intimate.
Zura purses his lips to kiss against his neck. ]
Goodnight.
[ He whispers. ]
im like 3 days too late i hate myself for loving themes
Sakamoto shifts around slightly so that he can be comfortable while bearing the weight of his friend's body. Heavy as it is, it's magnificent. Stupid people have trusted this notorious con-man with many things, but never has anyone entrusted him with their heart.
A heart is a tender and fragile thing, and maybe his hands are too clumsy to hold one without dropping it. But this time he won't hesitate to take it, he has been afraid to before in the past. Intimacy of this nature is something he has both dreaded and craved, searched for and never found beneath the sheets of cold strangers.
Wouldn't it be nice to go out on a normal date? To not have to imbibe copious amounts of alcohol to keep from noticing the scowl on the face of whoever he's with, so that he can ignore the insincerity of their voices or the disgust written so clearly all over their faces.
Will Zura be disgusted with him, one day?
Maybe.]