[ Katsura doesn't expect his hand to be given attention, and he is left staring at his hand after it is touched. He looks over his shoulder at Sakamoto before looking at the edge of the bed. There are a bunch of sad things he could talk about in regards to what happened, but he doesn't want to open up to those things.
No, instead he will say the good things. He will continue to bottle up the things that hurt him so. A very small smile plays on his lips as he regards the legacy Gintoki left behind fondly. ]
You know how he was, Sakamoto. He looked after us. Even when we weren't always there by his side like his subordinates. It is a peculiar feeling knowing that we will have to watch ourselves even more carefully now that our wolf who would bare his fangs to bite has left us.
In this city, even with us all going our separate ways, he kept watch over everyone. [ He looks over his shoulder again. ]
[Perhaps it's for the best that he didn't go to the funeral.
Sakamoto has never seen Gintoki's corpse, and it should stay that way- He is surprisingly fragile. To see the man who saved his life, a man larger than life lying dead in a coffin would have torn Sakamoto's beautiful little world apart. Even the minutest of tragedies make him sniffle, this would be enough for him to drink himself near death. The merchant's traditions do not align with that of this world.
There is no way to honor a man by standing beside his body, a body that contains no soul is not a man, just empty. Sakamoto has too much respect for Gintoki, someone who wasn't able to be the hero that he wanted to be, but trudged on anway.
Living.]
It doesn't matter how the city feels- Whether a great man is loved by an entire country or just one person, that doesn't make him any less great.
What are we doin', sittin' here and mopin' around? C'mon, Zura~!
He's probably fumin' at us from above. We can't keep dronin' on like this. We gotta live! Man, he risked his life for that so many times! We just have to.
Let's have some fun!
[The only way he can honor Gintoki is by doing what he's always done- Smiling.]
[ Let's have some fun. Katsura isn't sure how somebody can so easily 'have some fun.' It's been like that for him his entire life— there were always responsibilities and things to do that were more important than just 'having fun.' Though, he is right. Sakamoto is definitely right. Maybe Katsura should relax and have fun, whatever that truly meant.
There's a slight hiss through his teeth at the pressure Sakamoto applies on his palms, but he doesn't say anything or fuss— surprisingly. ]
How else do you think he would want us to live? I am certainly not going to eat sweets with every meal. [ Thing is, Katsura knew how Gintoki would want them to live but.. maybe he needs to actually hear it from somebody else. ]
But I know that for some people, it's hard to find happiness. I find it in little things- Watchin' someone smile when they see the morning sun, laughin' over drinks with the crew or even a bunch of strangers...
There are plenty of things I'm grateful for! Then again, I'm a glass half full kinda guy! Even if the glass is empty.
[He winks at Katsura.]
I know I'm due for a refill eventually.
[He laughs, letting go for a brief moment in time.]
[ He wants to let it all out— the weight of sorrow that has been burdening him since he found out about Gintoki's death. It wasn't just sorrow for his death, but sorrow caused from the person who killed him. Their quadrant of friendship had deteriorated into nothing now, and Katsura couldn't stand it.. especially with how much he valued his few friendships.
Even so in the moment where he wants to cry and cry and sling himself into Sakamoto's arms for any kind of remnant of comfort, he still doesn't. He still wants to appear strong like his leadership complex urges him to, but it's such a heavy sorrow. It's no wonder Sakamoto can see it so easily on his face.
A long, exasperated sigh passes through his lips. He's tired— tired emotionally. He retreats his hand from Sakamoto's grasp and reaches it towards his yukata. He doesn't want to continue this kind of conversation until he's made amends with himself that it's fine to be weak or upset sometimes.
The cloth loosens and he shrugs, revealing his bare shoulders to his friend. The upper half of the yukata falls just at his waist and around his elbows. ]
[ A whistle is the last thing he expects, but it snaps him back to reality for a moment. Katsura stiffens up his posture once again when Sakamoto starts talking. Ugh. He chides Sakamoto, now pulling one of the sleeves further up his arms to try and cover himself... even when he just so easily started undressing himself. ]
Don't be embarrassing! And you heard me, I said just the sh— [ He straightens up again. That definitely wasn't his shoulders. He doesn't finish his sentence, but there is a firm tone to his voice: ]
[Sakamoto, presses his thumb down in the center of the other's back, massaging little circles where he can.
He can't help but think that Zura looks cute like this- It's sick, what a stupid thought. They're friends trying to heal, there is no time to be disgusting.]
H'ohhhh.
Looks like you're tense everywhere, Zura.
'S not just your shoulders.
[He lets go, doing something strange. Sakamoto wraps his arms around the other's waist, pressing his forehead to Zura's shoulder.]
You can be mad at me! It's okay. I want you to be happy, but sometimes you have to cry first.
[ It hurts where he is pressing and it does cause Zura's face to twist into a slight grimace, lips suppressing a small grunt. He didn't realize how tense he was either.
Though, an embrace like Sakamoto gives us also unexpected, and he probably feels Katsura tense again by the sudden affection-- -- but then he relaxes into Sakamoto's arms. In fact, he practically leans back against him. ]
I don't want to. [ he doesn't specify, but he basically doesn't want to do anything. Katsura doesn't want to change the world right now, but he knows he has to. He knows that his dear friend would want him to continue living his own crazy life.
But if Katsura were honest, he just doesn't want to. ]
[ this entire scenario seems a bit too intimate, Katsura figures, and he thinks maybe they should distance themselves. He has to stop and wonder why, though? Why should they? This is comforting and nice, why should be be hesitant? And yet, he still feels that tugging on his heart that maybe it isn't what he should be doing.
Katsura is a rebel, though.
His head turns to look at Sakamoto, the heat flaring into his cheeks probably something his friend can feel, unbeknown to him. Softly, he speaks: ]
That is a long time for you. [ he is accustomed to Sakamoto flitting about space, but maybe he is wrong. Maybe it is a short time. ]
[ He's inviting him to stay as long as he likes. That's something Katsura isn't sure that he has heard in a long time, if at all. It's not to say that Katsura wasn't liked by people, but he always felt like he was always put on the back burner of things. It wasn't something he exactly allowed to eat at him too much, though it did bother him.
Hearing this just made him feel so happy; more than Sakamoto probably realizes. Sakamoto probably notices a smile playing on his face before he shuts his eyes and bumps his forehead against Sakamoto's, holding it there for a long time. ]
—Thank you.
[ Zura feels his heart flutter rapidly behind his chest as he dare keeps close to Sakamoto. It was weird and kind of awkward, but Katsura felt so comforted by this.
[Sakamoto feels a warmth wash over his shoulders and cheeks, and he's suddenly aware that his scarf isn't around his neck to hide whatever redness is aggregating there.
Sometimes he wishes it was easier to stay close to all of them, but he has so much work to do.
His mission is greater, grander than himself.]
Nah! I'm just doin' what friends do.
[There's a lot of emphasis on that word, friend. Because what they're doing now, sharing a bed, touching one another...
It would be inappropriate if they went any further, and Zura only saves that kind of thing for people who will save themselves for him.]
[ Katsura has a hard time looking into Sakamoto's eyes, so he keeps them downcast, but his smile only increases the more that Sakamoto talks. Again, maybe Sakamoto is what he needs right now.. maybe more of Sakamoto is something he needs right now. If this feels good, what about— something else? Ah, should he really be thinking that way too? What about his years of keeping reserved and to himself? He was so stubborn about change— he saw Takasugi change; he made Gintoki promise him to never change... but maybe change couldn't always be helped.
Katsura isn't one to be too handsy with people— there are select people he would just throw his arms around, and Sakamoto is definitely one of them. Though, their touching this evening seems more gentle— fragile.
Is that so bad?
His hand lifts, tracing along Sakamoto's jawline until he goes ahead and— lifts his head higher to plant a warm, lingering kiss on top of Sakamoto's forehead. It doesn't stop there, because his head slowly moves, planting another tender kiss on the arch of his cheek before muttering: ]
Thank you for always being so kind. [ to him. ]
Knowing you also relate to what we have lost; knowing you feel the same pain I feel.. it makes me feel less alone.
[Sakamoto gasps without warning, and curses fire off in his head, because he didn't mean to, he didn't mean to show Zura that he gets lonely too, a different kind of lonely-]
It may not seem like it...
But him not bein' around no more has got me pretty messed up.
[Zura has never been like the others. It's not as though Sakamoto doesn't mind tough love, any love is good enough for him, but it's always been nice to have Zura to fall back on. When the others were being too harsh, bickering too much, he could always count on Zura for some comfort.
That's what this feels like, it's comfortable.
Even so, he can't get too comfortable. He'll only be here for two weeks.
And so begins the start of something Sakamoto always feels when he leaves, an emotion he overpowers with hope as he stares in the face of an endless sky, that awful notion that you're going to miss someone terribly. What can he say- That he misses Zura all the time? That he wishes he could have taken Gintoki with him? If he had it his way, the most ideal one of all...
They'd all be together in the sky.
But he has to respect his friends' wishes. They're not meant for that kind of travel. Even so, Sakamoto can't help dreaming about it sometimes...
He never wishes for more than what he has, it's so much! But, if the three of them had been able to sail together with the rest of the Kaientai... His life would be perfect.]
I'll always be kind to you. You can just slap me! If I'm bein' crazy or whatever. I love teasin' ya, no doubt! But...
You're not the kind of guy someone can just be mean to. No matter how weird ya are.
[ It's so.. sweet that Sakamoto is being like this and saying such sincere things to him before. He's sure that Tatsuma has said things similar to this in the past, but something about it seems so pure to Zura. With Gintoki gone, it felt so bizarre to not have that person to cling to.
It's selfish.
Katsura usually isn't selfish for the things that matter; usually it's just because he is getting ignored or something materialistic. His heart is the size of a planet when it comes to assuring that other people's needs have been met before him. But here, he finds himself wavering about— unsure of what to do or where to go. It's funny; he didn't realize how much he had missed and yearned for Sakamoto's company until tonight.
He keeps his palm on Sakamoto's cheek before he dips his head down and gives Sakamoto a very chaste, brief kiss. It's there, right on the lips and it happens so quick, but when he pulls away, he is smiling again. ]
I feel the same way about you— no matter how weird you are. You're precious. [ Zura pats him on the cheek before dropping his hand. Both of his hands do shift to pull the yukata around his front. His lips remained curled in a pressed smile, even if his face is on fire right now. As he closes his yukata up, he feels the need to apologize. ]
I'm sorry.
[ He just felt happy right now— an emotion he hasn't felt in weeks. ]
[Sakamoto doesn't look all that perturbed on the outside. Mildly frazzled, confused perhaps, but not terrified.
Should he have closed his eyes?
What a pathetic, fragile man he is, and in his mind he curses himself for being so weak. The gesture was nothing more than an innocent one, Katsura is affectionate in ways that many would find unfitting for a man, but that didn't mean anything. It shouldn't have stirred that.]
I'm out late all the time.
Don't be sorry.
[He wants more than anything to grab Zura's face and kiss him, or scream, scream about how frustrating it is to be smiling in a room full of old, disappointed faces, how being an optimist can put an invisible but heavy weight on one's shoulders.
Sakamoto is not the kind of man to share his problems so easily, and maybe that's because he doesn't think of them as problems. There are people with no beds to sleep in, no homes to speak of, who go about their days feeling miserable and hungry and sad.
Everything unpleasant in his life is just that- Mildly unpleasant. Easily tucked away.]
I'm glad you're here.
[He reaches out to brush a dark strand of hair to the side, as he can't resist the urge to at least touch the other man.]
[ He's completely oblivious, too, of precisely the kind fo worries and troubles that Sakamoto wants to yell about. Maybe he would understand; maybe he wouldn't. They always have been similar in certain ways— the kind of ways that matter, at least.
Katsura's smile doesn't last very long— it gradually fades as he keeps his gaze across the room, nervous feet shifting against the flooring beneath him. His dark eyes are focused elsewhere; on a wall, as if it were interesting. Tatsuma's rough fingers brushing against his face when he pushes his hair back causes him to shut his eyes and dip his head sideways so his cheek is resting in his palm. He keeps it there, one of his own hands lifting to hold Sakamoto's hand that is holding his own face. He pulls it down from his cheek, keeping his hand in Sakamoto's. ]
Sakamoto.. [ His voice is just above a whisper. ]
What are we to do without him? [ He's looking at Sakamoto now, face filling with warming heat as the corners of his eyes prick with tears. Apparently he's still not done crying. ]
Live our life as beautifully as we can, yes; that is what he would want.. but how can we do that without him here?
[Sakamoto has made a lot of sacrifices, but it is at times like these where he wonders- How selfish is he really, despite being so willing to spend so much time living for other people?
Perhaps it's not entirely different- If something like this were to happen to Mutsu, for example, his entire world would fall apart. The sky would no longer look blue, seeing the sea would leave a bitter taste in his mouth, and even seeing a hat like hers or a girl with her hair color...
It would just make him feel wretched.
This must be what Zura is going through right now. Sakamoto is hurt too, surely, but while Gintoki was an important person in his life, he was not at the center of it.]
Go to sleep.
[Kindly:]
Don't waste too much of yer time thinkin' about it. You won't find somethin' like that if you look too hard! The important stuff always comes to ya when you're not waitin' around for it.
It takes you by surprise. So, so! Get some rest while you still can. You're next big thing might be just around the corner.
[ Yes. Go to sleep. It's been so long since he has actually gotten a decent night's rest, but maybe tonight will be different now that he is in the company of somebody he cares about. Katsura just nods, lifting a hand to wipe away from of the tears that dare attempt to grace his cheeks. ]
You're right. [ Sakamoto is.. sometimes! Especially when he doesn't mishear what Katsura is saying— so he appreciates the comfort. ]
It is hard not to think of him, though, and everything he left behind. [ Katsura continues on, curling his legs onto the bed and tucking them under the covers. He rests his head down on the pillow and exerts a sigh from the back of his throat, back facing Sakamoto as he keeps on his side.
Maybe like this, he can afford to let a few more tears leave his body. He was always trying to appear strong and leadership like and showing sadness just seemed like a weakness to him in front of another person. Though, the more he thinks about it, he should feel comfortable to do whatever he needs in Sakamoto's presence. They've been through enough together, and without a doubt, Sakamoto has probably seen him pretty low. Not at his lowest, like right now with what happened, but low. Maybe it would be alright.
Once Sakamoto is settled in, a long silence passes before Katsura shifts and clings onto his friend. Crying? There it is. Actual crying right into Sakamoto's shoulder. It's very quiet, but Tatsuma can definitely feel tears soaking into the robe he was wearing.
This is exactly what he needed right now. Elizabeth provided comfort, but Sakamoto is the only person that truly feels the same way about Gintoki's passing. The Yorozuya family had their own way of grieving— those from Yoshiwara had a different way— and so forth. Everybody remembered Gintoki in a certain and unique way— but only Katsura and Sakamoto remember him as a warrior and a fighter.
They are the only two that have these shared memories who have lost something precious. ]
[It's not as though Sakamoto isn't hurting too, but he knows that Gintoki and Zura have always been close, the closest, so the loss is probably harder on the other.
That too, though Gintoki had a good deal of Sakamoto's faith and respect, Sakamoto's world hasn't changed immensely. He can do what he's always done, run far away and avoid everything that will ever remind him of the man. He can avoid sweet shops and pachinko parlors, and even the district where Gintoki used to stay. Everything painful can be easily omitted from his life, isolated and shelved away, as if it were never there in the first place.
Sakamoto holds Zura tightly, at first not disturbing the other, just letting him cry and asking no questions.]
It hurts so much, Sakamoto— [ —is Katsura's only response through a strained sound. He doesn't say anything else though his hold tightens around Sakamoto's middle. He refuses to lt go anytime soon, even as intimate as they were being right now... it's exactly what he needed and wanted. ]
I want to go to sleep.. and not hurt anymore. [ no, he doesn't want to open up the wound he has been bearing for weeks now. It's the only thing that would probably, honestly, make him feel better to air out all of his feelings and thoughts; all of the pain that he's been suffering to somebody who genuinely understands.
And yet, he can't. Katsura ignored that fact about him, though. He was too stubborn for his own good.
Be strong, he always knew he had to be. Be a leader— he was determined.
Katsura quiets down soon enough, though, and any conversation Tatsuma tries to make gets radio silence. Maybe another day. ]
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no subject
No, instead he will say the good things. He will continue to bottle up the things that hurt him so.
A very small smile plays on his lips as he regards the legacy Gintoki left behind fondly. ]
You know how he was, Sakamoto. He looked after us. Even when we weren't always there by his side like his subordinates. It is a peculiar feeling knowing that we will have to watch ourselves even more carefully now that our wolf who would bare his fangs to bite has left us.
In this city, even with us all going our separate ways, he kept watch over everyone.
[ He looks over his shoulder again. ]
I think all of Edo feels the same.
no subject
They're his kids.
[Perhaps it's for the best that he didn't go to the funeral.
Sakamoto has never seen Gintoki's corpse, and it should stay that way- He is surprisingly fragile. To see the man who saved his life, a man larger than life lying dead in a coffin would have torn Sakamoto's beautiful little world apart. Even the minutest of tragedies make him sniffle, this would be enough for him to drink himself near death. The merchant's traditions do not align with that of this world.
There is no way to honor a man by standing beside his body, a body that contains no soul is not a man, just empty. Sakamoto has too much respect for Gintoki, someone who wasn't able to be the hero that he wanted to be, but trudged on anway.
Living.]
It doesn't matter how the city feels- Whether a great man is loved by an entire country or just one person, that doesn't make him any less great.
What are we doin', sittin' here and mopin' around? C'mon, Zura~!
He's probably fumin' at us from above. We can't keep dronin' on like this. We gotta live! Man, he risked his life for that so many times! We just have to.
Let's have some fun!
[The only way he can honor Gintoki is by doing what he's always done- Smiling.]
no subject
Though, he is right. Sakamoto is definitely right. Maybe Katsura should relax and have fun, whatever that truly meant.
There's a slight hiss through his teeth at the pressure Sakamoto applies on his palms, but he doesn't say anything or fuss— surprisingly. ]
How else do you think he would want us to live? I am certainly not going to eat sweets with every meal.
[ Thing is, Katsura knew how Gintoki would want them to live but.. maybe he needs to actually hear it from somebody else. ]
no subject
[Sakamoto keeps holding on.]
But I know that for some people, it's hard to find happiness. I find it in little things- Watchin' someone smile when they see the morning sun, laughin' over drinks with the crew or even a bunch of strangers...
There are plenty of things I'm grateful for! Then again, I'm a glass half full kinda guy! Even if the glass is empty.
[He winks at Katsura.]
I know I'm due for a refill eventually.
[He laughs, letting go for a brief moment in time.]
People love you, Zura.
I know he did- But we do too.
no subject
[ He wants to let it all out— the weight of sorrow that has been burdening him since he found out about Gintoki's death. It wasn't just sorrow for his death, but sorrow caused from the person who killed him. Their quadrant of friendship had deteriorated into nothing now, and Katsura couldn't stand it.. especially with how much he valued his few friendships.
Even so in the moment where he wants to cry and cry and sling himself into Sakamoto's arms for any kind of remnant of comfort, he still doesn't. He still wants to appear strong like his leadership complex urges him to, but it's such a heavy sorrow. It's no wonder Sakamoto can see it so easily on his face.
A long, exasperated sigh passes through his lips. He's tired— tired emotionally. He retreats his hand from Sakamoto's grasp and reaches it towards his yukata. He doesn't want to continue this kind of conversation until he's made amends with himself that it's fine to be weak or upset sometimes.
The cloth loosens and he shrugs, revealing his bare shoulders to his friend. The upper half of the yukata falls just at his waist and around his elbows. ]
Shoulders now.
no subject
Now that's what I'm talkin' about!
It's not a bad thing, y'know! To let someone else take the reigns for a little while.
[He cracks his knuckles, first bothering to trace the line down the center of Katsura's back, wondering if it tickles.]
How far do you want me to go?
no subject
Don't be embarrassing! And you heard me, I said just the sh— [ He straightens up again. That definitely wasn't his shoulders. He doesn't finish his sentence, but there is a firm tone to his voice: ]
Right there is fine enough!
[ jfc. ]
no subject
[Sakamoto, presses his thumb down in the center of the other's back, massaging little circles where he can.
He can't help but think that Zura looks cute like this- It's sick, what a stupid thought. They're friends trying to heal, there is no time to be disgusting.]
H'ohhhh.
Looks like you're tense everywhere, Zura.
'S not just your shoulders.
[He lets go, doing something strange. Sakamoto wraps his arms around the other's waist, pressing his forehead to Zura's shoulder.]
You can be mad at me! It's okay. I want you to be happy, but sometimes you have to cry first.
no subject
Though, an embrace like Sakamoto gives us also unexpected, and he probably feels Katsura tense again by the sudden affection--
-- but then he relaxes into Sakamoto's arms. In fact, he practically leans back against him. ]
I don't want to.
[ he doesn't specify, but he basically doesn't want to do anything. Katsura doesn't want to change the world right now, but he knows he has to. He knows that his dear friend would want him to continue living his own crazy life.
But if Katsura were honest, he just doesn't want to. ]
no subject
I'm here for two weeks.
I know it's not long, but it's more time than usual.
no subject
Katsura is a rebel, though.
His head turns to look at Sakamoto, the heat flaring into his cheeks probably something his friend can feel, unbeknown to him.
Softly, he speaks: ]
That is a long time for you.
[ he is accustomed to Sakamoto flitting about space, but maybe he is wrong. Maybe it is a short time. ]
Are you inviting me to stay for two weeks?
no subject
After all, they're all they have left.]
I'm invitin' ya to stay for as long as you'd like!
no subject
Hearing this just made him feel so happy; more than Sakamoto probably realizes. Sakamoto probably notices a smile playing on his face before he shuts his eyes and bumps his forehead against Sakamoto's, holding it there for a long time. ]
—Thank you.
[ Zura feels his heart flutter rapidly behind his chest as he dare keeps close to Sakamoto. It was weird and kind of awkward, but Katsura felt so comforted by this.
Why couldn't Sakamoto be around more often? ]
no subject
Sometimes he wishes it was easier to stay close to all of them, but he has so much work to do.
His mission is greater, grander than himself.]
Nah! I'm just doin' what friends do.
[There's a lot of emphasis on that word, friend. Because what they're doing now, sharing a bed, touching one another...
It would be inappropriate if they went any further, and Zura only saves that kind of thing for people who will save themselves for him.]
You're welcome though.
[It's said breathlessly.]
no subject
Katsura isn't one to be too handsy with people— there are select people he would just throw his arms around, and Sakamoto is definitely one of them. Though, their touching this evening seems more gentle— fragile.
Is that so bad?
His hand lifts, tracing along Sakamoto's jawline until he goes ahead and—
lifts his head higher to plant a warm, lingering kiss on top of Sakamoto's forehead. It doesn't stop there, because his head slowly moves, planting another tender kiss on the arch of his cheek before muttering: ]
Thank you for always being so kind.
[ to him. ]
Knowing you also relate to what we have lost; knowing you feel the same pain I feel.. it makes me feel less alone.
no subject
It may not seem like it...
But him not bein' around no more has got me pretty messed up.
[Zura has never been like the others. It's not as though Sakamoto doesn't mind tough love, any love is good enough for him, but it's always been nice to have Zura to fall back on. When the others were being too harsh, bickering too much, he could always count on Zura for some comfort.
That's what this feels like, it's comfortable.
Even so, he can't get too comfortable. He'll only be here for two weeks.
And so begins the start of something Sakamoto always feels when he leaves, an emotion he overpowers with hope as he stares in the face of an endless sky, that awful notion that you're going to miss someone terribly. What can he say- That he misses Zura all the time? That he wishes he could have taken Gintoki with him? If he had it his way, the most ideal one of all...
They'd all be together in the sky.
But he has to respect his friends' wishes. They're not meant for that kind of travel. Even so, Sakamoto can't help dreaming about it sometimes...
He never wishes for more than what he has, it's so much! But, if the three of them had been able to sail together with the rest of the Kaientai... His life would be perfect.]
I'll always be kind to you. You can just slap me! If I'm bein' crazy or whatever. I love teasin' ya, no doubt! But...
You're not the kind of guy someone can just be mean to. No matter how weird ya are.
no subject
It's selfish.
Katsura usually isn't selfish for the things that matter; usually it's just because he is getting ignored or something materialistic. His heart is the size of a planet when it comes to assuring that other people's needs have been met before him. But here, he finds himself wavering about— unsure of what to do or where to go. It's funny; he didn't realize how much he had missed and yearned for Sakamoto's company until tonight.
He keeps his palm on Sakamoto's cheek before he dips his head down and gives Sakamoto a very chaste, brief kiss. It's there, right on the lips and it happens so quick, but when he pulls away, he is smiling again. ]
I feel the same way about you— no matter how weird you are. You're precious.
[ Zura pats him on the cheek before dropping his hand. Both of his hands do shift to pull the yukata around his front. His lips remained curled in a pressed smile, even if his face is on fire right now. As he closes his yukata up, he feels the need to apologize. ]
I'm sorry.
[ He just felt happy right now— an emotion he hasn't felt in weeks. ]
It's entirely too late.
no subject
Should he have closed his eyes?
What a pathetic, fragile man he is, and in his mind he curses himself for being so weak. The gesture was nothing more than an innocent one, Katsura is affectionate in ways that many would find unfitting for a man, but that didn't mean anything. It shouldn't have stirred that.]
I'm out late all the time.
Don't be sorry.
[He wants more than anything to grab Zura's face and kiss him, or scream, scream about how frustrating it is to be smiling in a room full of old, disappointed faces, how being an optimist can put an invisible but heavy weight on one's shoulders.
Sakamoto is not the kind of man to share his problems so easily, and maybe that's because he doesn't think of them as problems. There are people with no beds to sleep in, no homes to speak of, who go about their days feeling miserable and hungry and sad.
Everything unpleasant in his life is just that- Mildly unpleasant. Easily tucked away.]
I'm glad you're here.
[He reaches out to brush a dark strand of hair to the side, as he can't resist the urge to at least touch the other man.]
It really has been a while.
no subject
Katsura's smile doesn't last very long— it gradually fades as he keeps his gaze across the room, nervous feet shifting against the flooring beneath him. His dark eyes are focused elsewhere; on a wall, as if it were interesting. Tatsuma's rough fingers brushing against his face when he pushes his hair back causes him to shut his eyes and dip his head sideways so his cheek is resting in his palm. He keeps it there, one of his own hands lifting to hold Sakamoto's hand that is holding his own face. He pulls it down from his cheek, keeping his hand in Sakamoto's. ]
Sakamoto..
[ His voice is just above a whisper. ]
What are we to do without him?
[ He's looking at Sakamoto now, face filling with warming heat as the corners of his eyes prick with tears.
Apparently he's still not done crying. ]
Live our life as beautifully as we can, yes; that is what he would want.. but how can we do that without him here?
no subject
Perhaps it's not entirely different- If something like this were to happen to Mutsu, for example, his entire world would fall apart. The sky would no longer look blue, seeing the sea would leave a bitter taste in his mouth, and even seeing a hat like hers or a girl with her hair color...
It would just make him feel wretched.
This must be what Zura is going through right now. Sakamoto is hurt too, surely, but while Gintoki was an important person in his life, he was not at the center of it.]
Go to sleep.
[Kindly:]
Don't waste too much of yer time thinkin' about it. You won't find somethin' like that if you look too hard! The important stuff always comes to ya when you're not waitin' around for it.
It takes you by surprise. So, so! Get some rest while you still can. You're next big thing might be just around the corner.
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You're right.
[ Sakamoto is.. sometimes! Especially when he doesn't mishear what Katsura is saying— so he appreciates the comfort. ]
It is hard not to think of him, though, and everything he left behind. [ Katsura continues on, curling his legs onto the bed and tucking them under the covers. He rests his head down on the pillow and exerts a sigh from the back of his throat, back facing Sakamoto as he keeps on his side.
Maybe like this, he can afford to let a few more tears leave his body. He was always trying to appear strong and leadership like and showing sadness just seemed like a weakness to him in front of another person. Though, the more he thinks about it, he should feel comfortable to do whatever he needs in Sakamoto's presence. They've been through enough together, and without a doubt, Sakamoto has probably seen him pretty low. Not at his lowest, like right now with what happened, but low. Maybe it would be alright.
Once Sakamoto is settled in, a long silence passes before Katsura shifts and clings onto his friend. Crying? There it is. Actual crying right into Sakamoto's shoulder. It's very quiet, but Tatsuma can definitely feel tears soaking into the robe he was wearing.
This is exactly what he needed right now. Elizabeth provided comfort, but Sakamoto is the only person that truly feels the same way about Gintoki's passing. The Yorozuya family had their own way of grieving— those from Yoshiwara had a different way— and so forth. Everybody remembered Gintoki in a certain and unique way— but only Katsura and Sakamoto remember him as a warrior and a fighter.
They are the only two that have these shared memories who have lost something precious. ]
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That too, though Gintoki had a good deal of Sakamoto's faith and respect, Sakamoto's world hasn't changed immensely. He can do what he's always done, run far away and avoid everything that will ever remind him of the man. He can avoid sweet shops and pachinko parlors, and even the district where Gintoki used to stay. Everything painful can be easily omitted from his life, isolated and shelved away, as if it were never there in the first place.
Sakamoto holds Zura tightly, at first not disturbing the other, just letting him cry and asking no questions.]
Zura?
no subject
[ —is Katsura's only response through a strained sound. He doesn't say anything else though his hold tightens around Sakamoto's middle. He refuses to lt go anytime soon, even as intimate as they were being right now... it's exactly what he needed and wanted. ]
I want to go to sleep.. and not hurt anymore.
[ no, he doesn't want to open up the wound he has been bearing for weeks now. It's the only thing that would probably, honestly, make him feel better to air out all of his feelings and thoughts; all of the pain that he's been suffering to somebody who genuinely understands.
And yet, he can't.
Katsura ignored that fact about him, though. He was too stubborn for his own good.
Be strong, he always knew he had to be. Be a leader— he was determined.
Katsura quiets down soon enough, though, and any conversation Tatsuma tries to make gets radio silence.
Maybe another day. ]