—If you take me shopping, and purchase what I desire. You take me to my favorite park and walk with me—
—You tell me how wonderful I am, and how much I deserve more screen time. In fact, you emphasize how I should have my own spin off series.
You purchase a puppy or a kitten for me, I don’t care which.
You take me to the zoo.
You’ll play UNO and let me win every time.

And you admit to me how awful J*ckie Ch*n’s nose is and how he should have it removed.

_{[ This is the same non-negotiable tone but holy shit, what are these requests. It’s a dead give away. ]}